Respect for the family
Another clue was the Prophet's sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) respect for his family. 'Aa'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said: "The Messenger of Allah sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) has never beaten a wife or a servant, and he sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) has never hit anything with his hand except when fighting in the cause of Allah." [Ibn Abu Shaybah]
Although physical discipline may be required or justified in a crisis and when dealing with immature individuals where reason and logic are of no value, the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) always discouraged this mode of action. The normal treatment of mature individuals should be based mainly on logic, reason and sound understanding. When it comes to corrective action, a serious word or look or gesture could be more effective and even more painful than beating with a whip. Physical means are saved for the ones who do not have enough minds to understand. When beating has to be used along these lines, the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) teaches us that one should not hurt and that one should avoid the face. It was reported to the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) that some of his companions, may Allah be pleased with them, beat their wives, whereupon he sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) said: "Certainly those are not the best among you." [Ahmad and others]
Stability in face of hardships
Another clue to the successful marriage was the stability and good faith of the partners when facing difficulties and afflictions. Many husbands and wives are taken by frustration and despair when they face difficult problems. Some lose control and completely break down. Many families fall apart after loss of money, failure of business, or any other type of trauma. The Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) and his wife, Khadeejah, may Allah be pleased with her, faced a great many difficulties, including the loss of children (especially the loss of boys in a society which used to kill female infants out of shame).
In addition, they suffered the rejection and persecution inflicted on them by their own people. Their response did not consist in breaking down, or giving up. These difficulties probably increased their determination to build up their efforts to cope with difficulties. This clue should be a good lesson for all marriage partners who are shaken by the least of tremors in their family life.
Loyalty
Another feature of the relationship between Prophet Muhammad sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) and his wife Khadeejah, may Allah be pleased with her, was his unprecedented loyalty to her. Loyalty is actually a cause and a result of the ideal marital relationship which existed between them. Loyalty is not just the lack of cheating, or lack of having extra-marital relations. Loyalty can be an on-going positive attitude which can be expressed in many actions, words or gestures. The resultant strengthening of personal relations between the partners will in turn increase their loyalty towards one another. Prophet Muhammad sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) remained loyal to Khadeejah, may Allah be pleased with her, to the end of his life, long after her death. 'Aa'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, used to say that she was not jealous of any woman more than Khadeejah, may Allah be pleased with her, although Khadeejah, may Allah be pleased with her, was already dead, because the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) always had the best memories of her. The Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) also had a special kind of feeling towards anyone Khadeejah, may Allah be pleased with her, used to like.
Hard work, together for the Sake of Allah
One more feature of the happy marriage to Khadeejah, may Allah be pleased with her, was that it was not a restful and easy-going one. Besides love and affection, there was a great deal of struggle and hard work to spread the message of Islam.
When the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) received the second revelation (which means): "O you who covers himself [with a garment]! Arise and warn..." [Quran 74: 1-2], which woke him from his sleep, breathing heavily and sweating profusely, his wife Khadeejah, may Allah be pleased with her, approached him sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) gently, comforted him and anxiously declared her Islam and her acceptance of the prophethood of her husband sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ). From then on, it was like a Da'wah (call to Islam) team, striving together in the Cause of Allah.
This lesson is for every family, where one partner is upset and concerned because the other partner has to work hard in the Cause of Allah. It would make things much easier if both partners did this work together and started their won Da'wah team. Part of the Da'wah work will naturally go towards their personal education and the teaching of their children. By doing it this way, the frustration will subside, and the joy and pleasure will grow.
The above listed aspects and many more, all contributed to the development of the beautiful relationship between Prophet Muhammad sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) and his wife Khadeejah, may Allah be pleased with her.
The marriage to Khadeejah, may Allah be pleased with her, was a "one- wife marriage". For 25 years of the Prophet's sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) prime age and in a time and place where unlimited polygamy was quite acceptable, and until the death of Khadeejah, may Allah be pleased with her, it remained a monogamous marriage. Could it be that Divine wisdom wanted this aspect to be one of the features of this "model marriage" for all of us to emulate under normal circumstances?
